Wednesday, April 27, 2016

Extra, Extra, News Reporter Gets Exclusive Scoop!

Hello dear readers. A long time ago in the movies (where I seem to get most of my view of reality I guess) newspaper boys with hats turned sideways would run up and down the street yelling "Extra, extra, read all about it". I am not sure why they said "Extra, extra" but they must have had a reason. Maybe it meant they had an extra big paper that day because of the big news story. Anyway I digress.

The other day as I was walking around dressed as a flying cat. I am not sure why I made up a flying cat, but it sort of seemed to be a cool idea at the time. Anyway I just happened to see someone I had seen on TV, thus I knew he must be important since being on TV makes all people important. I thought I should try my had at being a news reporter and ask some serious questions. So I changed from a flying cat into a sort of preppy looking guy since I knew people were not as willing to give flying cats an interview.

Here is my EXCLUSIVE interview. You can re-print it if you are the Washington Post, or CNN or something like that. Just be sure to give me a by-line. Speaking of lines, my line is the part that says "Reporter", although you probably can figure that part out.

Reporter: Mr. DT, welcome to virtual reality.

The D: Thank you, as you know I am winning big, really big.

Reporter: Yes we can see. Why do you think that is?

The D: Well as you know I know how to get things done.

Reporter: How do you get things done?

The D: Well it's easy. All you need to do is think you are doing things and they will get done by magic. That's how I made millions.

The Reporter: Yeah but didn't some businesses fail?

The D: Sure, but that's business. The important thing is to have a big ego. And I have that. I mean I really have that. A big, and I mean really big ego. This country needs someone with a big ego. And I mean really big. I can negotiate great deals with other countries because my ego is bigger than other leaders. And so are my hands.

The Reporter: I heard that many women don't like how you come across. Do you think you need to worry about the female vote?

The D: That's ridiculous. Women love me. They absolutely love me.

The Reporter: But if you have enough money are you sure those aren't "professional" women who "love" you?

The D: Success is all a mater of having the power to deny the obvious. Just think about it. I look at myself it the mirror. I still think that I am that handsome man I was 40 years ago. I don't see any hair loss. I can't see my puffy belly. I have the power to deny the obvious. Women may think I am a jerk. Once again I have the power to deny the obvious.

The Reporter:  Well I guess am speechless so I will have to end the interview.

Reporters footnote: News reporters drink a lot of coffee. I found this last image on the Internet, so please forgive me for stealing it but it was really a cool little cartoon picture.

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